there's got to be more...

yesterday was really hard for me-- and i am sure others in my family. yesterday was "our rock's" birthday... the first birthday without her-- you know we can look at it either two ways... but i'll get to those later. i was pretty down yesterday... isolated, is more the word i am looking for. i really didn't want to be around anyone-- and you would think as much as i have learned over the five months i would of taken yesterday and made it positive. didnt work that way... i was being selfish and wanted to be able to spend time with my memaw on her birthday. the two ways to look at the whole situtation is... one you can be selfish and wish that she was still suffering down here... or two-- she has had her first birthday with Jesus.. and i am sure it was the best birthday she's ever had!

i dont know if it's the holidays that have got me down or what it is... here lately i have been having this feeling that something is missing... like-- there has got to be more than what i am actually seeing... and i am not sure what it is-- it's scary really... i am the type of person that NEEDS to know everything that is going on at all times.. well lets change that NEEDS to WANTS. i know God has big plans for me i just wish i knew what these plans were.. people always tell me I AM GOING TO GO FAR and DO GREAT THINGS IN LIFE... i just sometimes wish i knew when that would happen .. ha! this is were the impatient part of me kicks in... you know? i am a work in progress-- not a perfection. i have got to keep my head up and live one day at a time...

because we've only got today♥