wow... drama equals paris. now, i know what an excuse was to drink/use drugs were! the people you THINK are your friends really show their true colors. when i lived in paris and was partying all the time i honestly thought majority of the people i partied and hung around with were my friends, insanity right?
tonight i get a phone call telling me that i was down in paris using drugs a couple weekends ago? hmm, i was not aware of this :/ but i guess since people are so caught up in my world and whats going on with me[cause it is all about me you know?]... people must spread rumors... whats sad is that those people cant be happy for me-- the fact that i am clean and sober and that GREAT things are coming my way tend to rub people the wrong way i guess...
the only thing i can tell people is that those people that try to bring you down when you are working so hard for what you want are truly unhappy with their lives. those are the type of people we call "SICK". i need to start being more understanding towards those people... i hate the fact that people in paris our so just stuck in that world of irratability and discontentment. it hurts to know that people i have known since i was 13 and up arent just happy for me being clean and sober. so i guess this goes for ...dont believe anything you hear and only believe half of what you see....
i just want everyone to realize that if you are doing something to make you feel better about yourself and its God's will... keep going for it. never let anyone bring you down-- times get tough and things dont always go the way we think they should go. i've learned if i just keep my head up and STAND UP FOR WHAT I BELIEVE IN then i won't fall for just anything. i have now got five months two weeks and four days clean now... and i am very proud of those days... its made me become someone i like-- someone i can truly be happy with. addiction will take you places you never thought you would go...
i am proud to be an alcoholic addict, and i am proud i have admitted and accepted the fact that i am.. because if i didnt-- i would be in the same boat as many others who have not admitted or accepted that fact. i would be just as miserable as i was six months ago. and if you are reading this and you are one of those people-- my heart goes out to you, because i do understand how hard it is to not want to drink but yet you do.. or how hard it is to stop doing drugs and you just CANT. i understand... and there are plenty of other people out there that are willing to help you... you have got to want to help yourself before we can though. everyday i ask myself if this is something i truly want. i can say yes, i would rather live the rest of my life not ever touching METH or a BEER ever again in my life... you want to know why? because i have found hope. i was a hopeless little dope fein with no way out... so i thought. when i got introduced to AA, NA, CA, and the 12 steps... i didnt want to do it, but i heard how it changed so many peoples lives-- and all it took was half the work it took to go get dope. so you ever just feel so hopeless that you think you cant get out-- your wrong. there is a way out, and there is a way to find hope.. you just got to want it.
with me the problem wasnt the drugs or alcohol.. the problem was me-- i had a problem with who i was... i was unhappy && i was one of those people that would bring others down... now that i have a little bit of clarity and really and truly know who i am... i can be the person i want to be. ask yourself if how you are treating others is the way you want to be treated? and if not, then there is your oppurtunity to change what you are doing... and if no one has told you today i want you to know i love you-- i dont have to like you, but i do have to love you.
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