insanity! pure insanity! :)

Well, want to hear something crazy? At 9 1/2 months sober I am still insane! Ha! The great thing is I can now identify it and change it! And if I can't change it, I can ask God to change it. That's what great about this program! Well, I've ran into this problem of pleasing everyone else and making sure that I do what makes them happy that I've totally lost track of what makes me happy! Why? I don't know. But the insane thing about this is and just shows how sick I am is... I still continue to do it! It's sad that I am 21 years old and still 100% don't know what I want! For a while I was figuring all that out, but I've let "distractions" get in the way... You know? I am sure I am not the only that does this? Atleast, I hope I am not the only one! Ha! When people look at me, I want to be that person that they can say "I want what she has". Dumb? I know... I am doing the best I can and growing alot! I can tell a miraculous change in me, and that's all by the grace of God. I just did a little bit of step work, and became willing to change. I wanted a different lifestyle, and just needed to change before I killed myself with the things I were putting in my body! I am greatful that I am still here today, because Lords knows I should of been dead a long time ago. Time to get ready for the day though, just remember... If you don't like something, change it. IF you can't change it, change the way YOU think about it. I mean, consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have trying to change someone else.. :)