change.

the past is the past for a reason, right? so, why do we hold onto things that will never be? why do we hold onto the things that hurt us everytime we think about them? i'm saying "we" hoping i am not the only one that feels this way... me, well-- i hold resentments... and a lot of them. a lot of the resentments i hold i brought them upon myself with my own doing.

the past six and a half months, i have dealt with myself-- clean and sober... trying to figure out me, and who i am and what i like... which this process is hard! sometimes i feel like i'll never get it! and at days, i do think i will... it is a ROLLERCOASTER. i sit here and i can talk about what i should be doing and what's right, but the question is am i talking the talk? or am i walking the walk...?

here lately i feel as if maybe, i am slacking... forgetting about the big picture? i am still really trying to figure out who i am and what i might like because honestly i don't know what i like... i've really became CLOSE MINDED here lately. at the beginning of my recovery i was very VERY open minded.. now i feel as if i am closing my mind to anything.. like my mind is telling me I'VE GOT THIS! which i know isn't true-- i don't got this... and i know i don't. i know i may have changed alot, but i want to become more open minded to situations... if somethings not the way that i think it should be then automatically i'm like NOPE aint happening.. to whatever this situation may be? if that makes sense? it does to me...

i'm ready for the change... i'm tired of feeling the way i feel.. all i got to do is the step work! why am i procrastinating so long to do it? why not get it done with? get to that point of CHANGE!?! i'm slacking, alot. and i feel it, and i dont like it. but i want the work to do itself, but i know that that won't happen...

it's time to get my butt in gear and do the work! time to step up and do what God wants me to do... its time to make that change!♥